Yo Ho Yo Ho, a Pirate's Life for Fire Emblem
by ShippingGamer1605
Summary: Just a story inspired by the "Drunken Sailor" shanty. Ships: Byleth/Hubert, Petra/Dorothea (implied). Fire Emblem: Three Houses belongs to Nintendo and all other respective owners.


After a successful siege, Captain Hresvelg brought her crew, the _Black Eagles_, to the Golden Deer Tavern. They had attacked one of the Church of Seiros' navy ships, captained by Shamir and Cyril. It was a tough fight, but they pulled through, thanks to the Quartermaster's wife. First Mate Byleth Eisner is a master tactician, helping the crew adapt to any situation. They all agreed on going to the tavern; drinks were on the captain tonight.

When they got there, the tavern's owner, Claude, greeted them with a hearty laugh and a wink to the captain. "Evening, Black Eagles. Let me guess… Private venue?" Edelgard nodded. He shook his head, a grin on his face as he led the crew to the back. A red curtain on a rusty pole blocked a back corner of the tavern from the public eye, and Claude pulled it back, revealing a table that could easily seat fifty people. The crew sat down and Claude left. Quartermaster Hubert sat between the captain and his wife, observing the rowdy crew roughhousing with each other.

After a while, two women came to the table with round trays holding multiple wooden mugs. "Jeez. Can't you guys at least try to not trash the place this time?" The pink-haired woman huffed, looking at one specific crew member.

"Aw, come on, Hilda. It's all in good fun!" Caspar was smiling at her, mirth in his eyes. She sighed, lightly smacking him upside the head.

"Just don't expect me to cover for your tomfoolery. Got it? Hurry up, Leonie!" He nodded and she walked away. The other woman, Leonie, gave each of the guys a Dutch Rub before walking off. Hilda followed her.

Ferdinand conversed with Captain Edelgard, and she was trying to not start a bar fight with him. He just wouldn't stop ranting about "a captain's duties"! Bernadetta was under the table, fearing for her life. Petra and Dorothea were sitting out of the way, talking about sneaking back to the ship to have some "fun" of their own. Caspar had Linhardt in a headlock, laughing like a fool. Byleth and Hubert were talking with each other, ignoring the chaos of the crew.

Raphael and Leonie came back with more drinks and Caspar, already drunk, challenged Raphael to a brawl. He readily agreed, catching Caspar's fist before it made contact. The crew stopped what they were doing to watch the fight. Bernadetta jumped out from under the table when Raphael was thrown onto it, hiding behind the captain.

Petra joined in, tackling Leonie to the ground. Dorothea cheered her on, taking a swig of her drink. Byleth grinned from ear to ear and went to stand, only to be stopped by her husband. "Don't join those ruffians, Byleth. It'll only worsen the-" He was cut off by a wooden mug hitting him square in the face. Byleth and Edelgard gasped, hands moving to cover their mouths. Their eyes moved to see who had thrown the cup.

Caspar was standing there, panting, his face red and a triumphant smile on his face. "That's what you get, you edgy sea dog!" His words were slurred, but clear enough for everyone to understand what he was saying. Hubert stood, holding the cup in his left hand by its iron handle. Dark magic sparked from his hand, breaking the cup into small, thin splinters.

"...That's enough," he muttered darkly. A sphere of dark magic formed in his hand, ready to be fired at Caspar.

Two loud claps cut through the chaos. "Enough! We are _not_ paying any more than we need to for property damage. Settle down until we get back to the ship!" Edelgard was standing on her chair, figure towering over them all. They quieted down, helping to set the table back on its four legs, and drank in peace.

The moon was high in the night sky when they left the tavern, some drunk beyond sanity and others only a little buzzed. Linhardt lagged behind the others, hand on his chin in thought. _I wonder what would happen if the Quartermaster saw Caspar in the First Mate's cabin. It would be interesting, to say the least. _He quickly caught up, pulling in the ramp with the help of Petra.

Everyone went below deck to their bunks, the Captain, Quartermaster, and First Mate going to their respective quarters. When they were asleep, Linhardt raised his hand, activating a Warp spell. He focused on Caspar's sleeping figure and the image of the First Mate's cabin. The white magic flickered for a moment, and the bunk indention above him disappeared. He quickly fell asleep after than, a smug grin on his face.

The next morning, the Quartermaster woke up at the crack of dawn, as per usual. He got dressed, hooked his cutlass to his belt, and walked out of hi scabin toward his wife's cabin. When he opened her door, his fingers stiffened, black magic crackling between them.

Caspar was laying beside his wife, arm draped over her blanket-covered figure. He hummed in his sleep, snuggling closer to Byleth. She turned her body towards him, sighing through her nose. That was the last straw for him. Hubert approached the sleeping gunner and gave him a shock to the back of his neck. Caspar jolted awake, his hand moving to rub the spot.

"Ow… What the-" His eyes opened slowly and took a moment to regain focus. Before him was a sleeping First Mate, and when he turned to look behind him, a shiver ran down his spine. "Oh s-" He didn't get to finish as Hubert grabbed him by the shirt collar, pressing him against the wall.

"_What_ do you think you're doing, sleeping beside my _wife_?" Fury flared in his eyes. Caspar squirmed in the Quartermaster's grip, desperate to get away, but his hold was strong. With his free hand, Quartermaster Vestra summoned a Dark Spike and gave Caspar a cut on his shoulder. He almost screamed, but muffled it quickly with his hand. "Next time you try something stupid like that, you'll be marooned. Got it?" He nodded, eyes wide.

He let the boy down and he ran, holding his upper arm to lessen the bleeding. Byleth yawned, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "Hubert? What's going on?" Her hand rested beside her. "Why is the bed warm?"

"You had some… unwelcome company, so I took care of them before you awoke," he explained. She only nodded, climbing out of bed to embrace him. He returned the gesture, then left the room so she could get ready.

After everyone was awake, Captain Edelgard gathered the Black Eagles to the deck. Petra and Dorothea were standing next to each other, hands intertwined. Linhardt was next to Caspar, healing the cut Hubert had inflicted. Bernadetta was hiding behind Dorothea, and Ferdinand was front and center, staring straight at Edelgard. The rest of the crew stood behind them, either standing tall or trying to soothe their hangover headaches.

"Good morning, everyone. I assume last night was a well-deserved night of reprieve?" There was a jumbled sound of approval. "I'm glad. Now, our goal today is to break through the Church of Seiros' next line of defense. If we can do that, we can sail back to recuperate, then charge straight for Rhea. What do you think?" The roar of approval was massive, morale instantly rising.

Byleth smiled, looking up at her husband. He was looking out at the crew, staring at someone in particular with a faint but wicked smile. "What are you smiling about?"

He shook his head, making eye contact with his wife. "Nothing, my love. Just thinking. No reason to worry about me," he replied. His left arm draped over her shoulders as she looked back at the crew, completely unaware of what happened between Caspar and Hubert. Let's just say that either Linhardt will come clean, or bad blood will fester between the Quartermaster and Gunner.

*A/N: Hopefully everyone was at least mostly in character! This was originally inspired by the pirate shanty "Drunken Sailor", specifically by the line "put him in the bed with the captain's daughter". Only, I thought it would be funnier with the Black Eagles, Byleth x Hubert, and Linhardt being a master of disaster. Also, a Dutch Rub is the same as a noogie. Constructive criticism and requests are accepted! - Shiori


End file.
